Light Bulb Jokes

Hauptkategorie: Externes Kategorie: Humor Erstellt: Donnerstag, 10. Dezember 2009 Zuletzt aktualisiert: Samstag, 30. Juni 2012 Veröffentlicht: Donnerstag, 10. Dezember 2009 Geschrieben von Jörg Hoppe

Auszüge aus der unendlichen "CANONICAL LIST OF LIGHT BULB JOKES" ...

(für Insider kurz: "LBJ")

 

How many IBM CPU's does it take to turn on a light bulb?

33 - 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.


How many nerds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't have time. They are too busy taking pictures of themselves in their office.


How does an engineer change a light bulb?

As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesn't !

 

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

We don't know yet. They're still waiting on a part.


How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. "We'll fix it in software."


How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. None. "We'll document it in the manual."
  2. None. It's a hardware problem.
  3. One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
  4. Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
  5. Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
  6. Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
  7. Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
  8. Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.
  9. It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.
  10. The change is 90% complete.
  11. We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?
  12. Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer we have who can get the software ready to ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.
  13. Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.


How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem.


How many real programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real programmers prefer LEDs.


How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They try to fix the old one.


How many C programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they forgot to declare it first


How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a light bulb?

24 hours - 3 minutes to put in the bulb, the rest of the time to compile all the libraries.


How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
  2. At least a dozen, but it's impossible to tell which one it is, because they're all pointing at each other going "That's me, over there!"
  3. As many as are required to express the different views on programming. Additional lightbulbs may get smashed to accommodate them all.

 

How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.


How many Microsoft Visual C++ programmers does it take ....

400:
- 1 to change the bulb,
- 50 to write a magazine about it,
- 50 to write a help file about it,
- 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the team involved,
- 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get everyone their can of coke,
- 50 to show off about how installing a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires,
- 1 to answer the phone at the help desk ("Putting you through to our light bulb expert sir... click"),
- 148 to pad out the pictures in the "Light Bulb - how we did it" magazine.


How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?

Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.


How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a light bulb?

1.00000000001

 

How many FORTRAN programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lightbulbs are for wimps. The FORTRAN programmer puts up some landing lights from an abandoned military airfield. He is surprised when you voice complaints -- wasn't giving off light the primary function?


How many BASIC programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10 LET BULB = PUSH(BULB,UPWARDS)
20 LET BULB = TWIST(BULB,CLOCKWISE)
30 GOTO 10

 

How many APL programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

  1. Thirteen. One to change the bulb and twelve to figure out how the new bulb works in the first place.
  2. None. There's a primitive for that.
    (Note: I don't do APL but I think a primitive is a procedure that is included as a part of the language. You don't have to write code ("hack") to do it.)

 

How many assembly language programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but he'll have to figure out the laws of physics first, then arrange the molecules in proper order to create a new bulb.

 

How many COBOL programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He will, however, replace your light switch by a huge lever that takes three men to operate and comes with a sign that says "PULL LEVER BACKWARD GIVING LIGHT -- PUSH LEVER FORWARD GIVING DARKNESS".

 

How many Pascal programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but he only knows how to make the bulb. You'll have to get a fitting socket somewhere else.

 

How many Java programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but he'll have to install what he calls a "Lightbulb Virtual Machine" that takes up half the basement. The bulb itself will be twice as big as a normal bulb, but you can control it from anywhere in the house.

 

How many Visual Basic programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't know how. They have C++ programmers to change their lightbulbs. They make wonderfully decorated light switches, though.

 

How many games machine programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

One, but he needs the seal of approval from Nintendo before he can put his light-bulb in their socket.


How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

False.


How many Lisp programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....
Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....
(Note: LISP is a recursive programming language. One problem LISP programmers have to contend with is infinite recursion.)

These lisp heads are usually research AI types and their standard answer is as in the punchline. It could be improved:

2. (((H)mmm,) (I'm ((not) sure, better))) (find (out))...


How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.


How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. "The user can work it out."


How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .


How many computer salespeople does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You don't need a new lightbulb - you need to upgrade your socket to the '486 version.


How many software vendors does it take to change a light bulb?

None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.

 

How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?

  1. Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark.
  2. Two. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
  3. Well, the diagnostics all check out fine, so it's a software problem.


How long will it take?

That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them.


What if you have two dead bulbs?

They replace your fuse box.


How many system administrators does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question.


How many IBM staff does it take to change a light bulb?

IBM staff don't change light bulbs - they add value to photon emitter units.


How many IBM engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.


How many IBM programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

33. One to change the lightbulb and the other 32 to write 14 volumes of documentation of which half consists of pages containing only "This page left intentionally blank" and the other half definitions such as " 'bulb' can be defined as a glass and metal object with certain electrical properties (see volume IX, "The Electrical Properties Of A Bulb Used For Illumination") designed to mate with a housing integral to the ceiling referred to as a "socket" (see volume VII, "Bayonet Cap Sockets" and volume VIII, "Edison Screw Sockets"; if uncertain of the socket type please see volume II, "Lighting Sockets - A Preliminary Identification Guide")"


How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  1. Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
  2. Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.


How many IBM tech writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  1. Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
  2. 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001 "Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility", of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".


How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  1. None - it will be fined (fixed ?) in the next version.
  2. They aren't certain, everytime they do the math, they get a different number.
  3. 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
  4. Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the ladder....
  5. 586 of them, and it will take them a year from the moment you convince them that the light bulb is not functioning per the spec.


How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just define DarknessTM as an industry standard.


How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. One - but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.
  2. Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.


How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet.

Note: Very similar to the bureaucrats joke.


How many MS tech supports does it take to change a light bulb?

"The light bulb doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard socket."


How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?

Just one - Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.


How many Windows Win32 API  programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle(), one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb(), one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle()...


How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.


How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.


How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.


How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but why bother? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.


How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  1. None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution.
  2. Did you try rebooting with extensions off?
  3. Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.
  4. Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.
  5. Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.


How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a light bulb?

An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.


How many light bulbs does it take to screw Netscape?

Four. One for employees of non-profit organisations, one for students and educators, one for people who can read a license agreement, one for people who expect a company to keep its word.

Note: Refers to Netscape Corp., which distributed betas of their Web browser for free, announcing that the final version will be free also. Once the final version was out, they changed their mind. Only for students, educators and employees of non-profit organisations does it remain free.


How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
  2. One, but first he has to determine the correct path.


How many Unix programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2>" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.


How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Read the man page!


How many Unix system vendors does it take to change a light bulb?

None. All of the light bulbs you have are 'standard variants' and as such won't fit your particular implementation of the socket. (However you do have the source code for your socket, so .....)


How many VMS heads does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and tell you that the only light bulb you can use is a 100-watt soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as it's manufactured by DEC.
  2. "Errr... Well, I've got a patch that I could apply to it, but if you can just wait till next year, it'll all be fixed when we upgrade to light bulb version 6.1..."


How many DEC employees does it take to change a light bulb?

92 - As follows:

2 People    -    Preliminary discussion of concept change.

1 Person    -    Devise and write formal bulb architecture.

2 People    -    Feasibility study and timetable of events.

2 People    -    Produce four utilities to reduce screw-in time (in addition to the electric utility).

1 Person    -    Maintain ISO and DEC standards (sockets, voltage, AC/DC).

4 People    -    Commonality task force on bulb change.

15 People  -    Change bulb.

5 People    -    Perform bulb functional test.

2 People    -    Perform bulb load test.

3 People    -    Perform bulb regression test.

1 Person    -    Perform bulb performance analysis.

1 Person    -    Perform bulb bottleneck analysis.

1 Person    -    Follow-up study (bulb merge feasibility).

1 Person    -    Interface with Utilities Commission.

1 Person    -    Interface with users. (Did they want incandescent when we only supply non-tunable fluorescent point product?)
BAX (Bulbs Are eXpensive)!

5 People    -    Perform BOSE (Build Other Socket Enhancements) compatibility/architecture study.

3 People    -    Ensure form (round/square, clear/frosted) follows function (wattage, 120/140 volts, visible/ultraviolet, flashing, flood/spot).

3 People    -    Implement temporary alternative bulb socket for already (!?) existing, successful, and profitable socket (bulb-in-one).

5 People    -    Determine how to market/package/distribute temporary alternative bulb socket.

10 People  -    Determine how to perform bulb change product split (control - switches, dimmers; versus implementation - screw-in torque, recovery strategies).

1 Person    -    Interface with Utilities Commission quality assurance group.

1 Person    -    Submit to BDC (Bulb Distribution Center).

1 Person    -    Set up BPR (Bulb Problem Reports) system.

10 People  -    Answer customer BPRs.

11 People  -    Football team to challenge bulb changers.


How long does it take a DEC repairman to change a light bulb?

It depends on how many burnt-out light bulbs he brought with him.

 

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five - one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy,
- another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month,
- a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date,
- a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out,
- and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

 

How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.


How many NASA technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seventy, and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather's bad so they postpone it till next week. The light bulb costs 3 million dollars.


How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  1. None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
  2. One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.
  3. One. He gives it to five Oregonians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.
  4. In an earlier article, zeus!bobr writes: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...
  5. In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.  If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

    Bibliography: [1] Wiener, Matthew P., , "Re: YALBJ", 1986


How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are NOT NORMAL.
  2. Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away the ladder.
  3. One -- plus or minus three (small sample size).

Note: Someone has been asking this as a bonus question on statistics exam papers for quite a while. Judging from some of his own students' exam answers, it depends on whether the light bulb is negatively or positively screwed.


How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. If you know how many, you can't know if they've done it yet.
  2. If you want to know how many, you can observe them as they come in the door. But if not observed, they come in waves.
  3. The probability that the light bulb will actually be changed in any time interval is independent of how long you've been waiting.


How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.


How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, astronomers prefer the dark.


How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb.

None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.


How many school teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. Let's see: 2 A+'s, 3 A's, 5 A-'s, 11 B+'s, 9 B's, 21 B-'s...
  2. None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
  3. One if at home, but on school time, four.
  4. On the space shuttle, 1,000,001. One to screw it in and a million to pick up the pieces.


How many university professors does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.
  2. Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

How many Ph.D thesis supervisors (advisors) does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one; but every time they see a light bulb they have an irresistible urge to change it!


How many academics does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. None. That's what research students are for.
  2. Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.

 

How many signal processing engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to Fourier transform the light bulb, one to apply a complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to inverse transform the removed light bulb.

 

How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take tochange a light bulb?

Five; one to change the light bulb, the other four to stand around arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.


How many research technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it'll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.


How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.


How many Stanford researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the ladder, one to turn the bulb, and one to bill the government for the house.


How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.


How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.

(Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)


How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?

They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.


How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?

If you know the number, you don't know where the light bulb is.


How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.

 

How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
  2. Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
  3. Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.


How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.

 

How many computer science students does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They are far too busy hacking.

 

How many engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

 

How many maths students does it take to change a light bulb?

20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.

 

How many neural nets does it take to change a light bulb ?

f'(x) = delta Sum log (HOUSE) / d(HOUSE)

 

How many Newton users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.

(Note: refers to the Newton's poor handwriting recognition techniques.)

 

How many computer security experts does it take to change a light bulb?

"That depends on the TCSEC rating of the object light bulb. If it's a C2 bulb (or below), one. If a B1 bulb, just one, but he/she must document the potential covert channel. If a B2 bulb, he/she must also audit the covert channel. If a B3/A1 bulb, none, since covert channels are not allowed. [See also the "Orange Book"]

 

How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We just noticed the room was dark. We don't fix the problems, we just find them.

 

How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. How many?
  2. It depends :
    - If they are applications programmers, it takes exactly twice as many as are currently available.
    - If they are host programmers, it takes one for each variant of Unix and/or MicroSoft Windows.
    - If they are core programmers, it only takes one. He just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.
  3. - One to analyze the historical failure rates of light bulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the light bulb before the user actually has to report it,
    - one to explain why SAS is better for changing light bulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet,
    - one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs,
    - one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the light bulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled,
    - one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight,
    - one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the light bulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using light bulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its light bulbs to Europe where 120V/60Hz light bulbs tend to explode upon insertion in 220V/50Hz circuits,
    - one to write an incomprehensible ten line SAS macro program which will perpetually insert new filaments into all mission critical light bulbs until its author is fired, at which point the SAS macro will automatically encode itself into a copy of the latest SAS/ETS usage notes,
    - one to write a graphical front end to the light bulb changing process using SAS/EIS, with little speedometers showing the number of light bulbs changed per hour, so that management can understand why we need to buy bigger light bulbs,
    - one to prepare a SUGI paper summarizing the entire light bulb project, taking credit for the design and execution of the light bulb project itself as well as the invention of the light bulb itself,
    - another one to prepare a second SUGI paper benchmarking light bulb replacement on twelve different types of light sockets, with separate graphs for florescent and incandescent bulbs (made with SAS/Graph, except for the titling, axes, color, polylines, and background, which were all added manually with Cricket Graph on a Mac),
    - ten to push the dollie loaded with SAS/Light Bulb manuals, *and*,
    - one more to ask SAS-L for help when you really need to change that bulb, NOW.
  4. Zero. We have the housekeeping staff do it for us.
  5. Please let us know!
  6. That depends; what color is the bulb?
  7. It all depends on whether they can read the manuals or not. That needs to be in there somewhere as a qualifier!
  8. They can't change light bulbs... Without light, they can't read the manual, and without the manual, they can't figure out how to change the light bulb.
  9. This can not be computed. Changing light bulbs is a *hardware* problem...
  10. Two. One to change the light bulb and one to make sure the stack of manuals doesn't tip over.
  11. One, once the documentation for the procedure is found in one of the 15 manuals on the shelf.
  12. Well, it depends upon the platform on which one stands!
  13. Actually none, if you are willing to close your eyes to the (validity of the) output.
  14. It can't be done yet. "Light bulb" is more than 8 characters long.

 

How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem?..."
  2. I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting technology.
  3. Our engineers are busy at the moment... We have assigned query number 987632 to your question. Please refer to it in all future correspondence.

 

How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?

 

How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?

MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

 

How many first-time computer users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch on.

 

How many experienced computer users does it take to change a light bulb?

Dammit, why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It WAS broken this time you say? Blush

 

How many list-serv subscribers does it take to change a lightbulb?

1331:

1 to change the lightbulb

14 to share similar experiences of changing lightbulbs and how the lightbulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing lightbulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing lightbulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the lightbulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about lightbulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing lightbulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use lightbulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.

306 to debate which method of changing lightbulbs is superior, where to buy the best lightbulbs, what brand of lightbulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different lightbulbs

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes lightbulbs relevant to this list.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the lightbulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

4 to suggest that posters request the lightbulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physics.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

 

How many Debian Maintainers does it take to change a lightbulb?

993:

23 to complain to -devel about the lights being out;

4 to claim that it is a configuration problem, and that such matters really belong on -user;

3 to submit bugs about it, one of which has priority "grave" and consists only of "it's dark";

1 to do an untested NMU which breaks unstable, then ask around on #debian how to remove it five minutes later;

8 to flame the bugs report submitters for not including patches in their bugs reports;

5 to complain about unstable being broken;

31 to answer that it works for them, and they must have apt-get upgraded at a bad time;

1 to post a patch for a new lightbulb to -project;

1 to complain that he had patches for this three years ago, but when he sent them to -devel they were just ignored, and he has had bad experiences with the BTS; besides, the proposed new lightbulb is non-reflexive;

73 to scream that lightbulbs do not belong in the base system, that maintainers have no right to do things like this without prior discussion, and WHAT IS THE RM DOING ABOUT IT!?

200 to complain about the length of the release cycle;

3 to point out that the patch violates policy;

17 to complain that the proposed new lightbulb is not under GPL;

353 to engage in a flame war about the comparative advantages of the GPL, the BSD license, the MIT license, the NPL, and the personal hygiene of unnamed FSF founders;

7 to move various portions of the thread to -legal and -hurd;

1 to upload the suggested lightbulb, even though it shines dimmer than the old one;

2 to file a furious flame of a bugs report, arguing that testing is better off in the dark than with a dim lightbulb;

46 to argue vociferously about the bugs report about the dim lightbulb and demanding a statement from ftpmaster;

11 to request a smaller lightbulb so it will fit their Tamagotchi if we ever decide to port Debian to that platform;

73 to complain about the SNR on -devel and -qa and unsubscribe in protest;

13 to post "unsubscribe", "How do I unsubscribe?", or "Please remove me from the list", followed by the usual footer;

1 to upload a working lightbulb while everybody is too busy flaming everybody else to notice;

31 to point out that the new lightbulb would shine 0.364% brighter if compiled with processor-specific optimizations (although it will have to be reshaped into a cube), and that Debian should therefore adapt the gentoo "portage" system into dpkg;

1 to complain that the new lightbulb lacks fairings;

9 (including the bugs submitters) to ask "what is testing-proposed-updates";

75 to complain about the lights being out two weeks after the bulb has been changed.

and for a total count of 996:

1 to report whole story in -curiosa

2 to comment on it

Zugriffe: 25921